As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
