You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
