If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
