i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Randomize
