There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
