I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
