i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
