i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
