I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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