all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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