she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
