Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
