Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
