Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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