Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
