...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
