god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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