I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
