It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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