I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
