don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I need moral support for this bender
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
