finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
