is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Let's paint friendship bongs
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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