i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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