drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
