I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
