he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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