I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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