my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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