I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
