Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
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