I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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