I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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