Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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