She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
