The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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