Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Randomize
