my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
