I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
