A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
