Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
