the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
