your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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