Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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