ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
