When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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