Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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