I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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