I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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