remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
